Jokes...

[JB_Lestat]

I know we've probably already done this; but I just got some new ones & I thought I'd share :D

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the jungle, she was
attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she
asked him how he had sex.

"Tarzan not know sex," he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, "Oh...Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all
wrong...but I will show you how to do it
properly." She took off her clothes and laid down on
the ground.
"Here" she said, "you must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth,..stepped closer to
Jane, and then gave her an almighty kick right in the crotch.
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed an
eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed,
"What did you do that for?"

"Tarzan check for bees first."

************************************************** *************
One hot summer day an old man was sitting on his front porch when a small boy walked by with some wire....

old man- hey boy! where you goin' with that wire?

small boy- oh this isn't any old ordinary wire, this here is chicken wire! and i'm gonna catch me some chickens!

the old man just laughed at him, an hour later the old man couldn't believe his eyes when the boy came back with a hole sack of chickens, the very next day the small boy walked by the old mans house with some tape...

old man- hey you little shit! where you going with that there tape?

little boy- oh this isn't any ordinary tape this is duct tape, and i'm gonna catch me some ducks for momma!

the man laughed at the boy and called him names, an hour later the boy came walking back with a whole bunch of ducks and the man was amazed! the next day the small boy came walking back with some sticks.....

old man- hey you little bastard! where you goin' with those sticks?

little boy- oh these aren't any ordinary sticks, this is pussy willow!

old man- hold on! let me go get my hat! :eek:

************************************************** ************
What do you call cheese that's not yours?

Not-cho cheese!

****** Hope you enjoyed! & feel free to share some of yours!

[Exsanguinator]

It has been advised by many (on pain of pink fluffy things by a cruel few) that I should not tell jokes in public.

Also I shouldn't tell jokes anywhere they may be heard by anyone or thing - animate or otherwise... :(

Probably for the best though! tongue.gif

[topol_sheap]

Pyb,

We should both just keep our mouths closed on the tube....

Tops

[ July 17, 2002, 03:59 AM: Message edited by: Topol Sheap ]

[DC 1]

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner. Mother Potato, Father Potato, and their three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. "Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to make."
"And what might that be?" said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes. "Well," replied the daughter,with a proud but sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!"
The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, "Married!... That's wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?"
"I'm marrying a Jersey Royal!" .....
"A Jersey Royal!" replied Mother Potato with pride."Oh, a Jersey Royal is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"
As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up.
"Mother, I too, have an announcement."
"And what might that be?" asked Mother Potato,
"I, too, am getting married!" said the daughter
"And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?"
"I'm marrying a King Edward," beamed the middle daughter.
"A King Edward!" said Mother Potato with joy. "Oh,
a King Edward is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"
Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plans for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted.
"Mother Potato?...Umm, I, too,have an announcement to make."
"Yes?" said Mother Potato with great anticipation.
"Well," began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, "I hope this doesn't come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!"
"Really?"..said Mother Potato with sincere excitement..." All of my lovely girls married!
What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, youngest Daughter?" I'm marrying John Motson!"
"John Motson?!"..Mother Potato scowls...

But he's just a common tater!"

[Goth Girl]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh dear!

I haven't heard a joke that made me laugh since the one about Jeremy Beadle, but I'm not putting that in here! :D

[Lady Louise]

Here goes:

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again ... ONE, TWO, THREE ... UUH!" all night long. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed.

[Exsanguinator]

Less of a joke and more a piece of advice I can offer after years of vampyrical research...

...Wamphyri are not solicitors, have not recieved any kind of legal training and as such are in no position to offer advise on what happens to your belongings after your death.

So re-read any signs you believe may say 'Enter for free will...'